i give up

So as of May 13rd, being 23 years old I haven't accomplished anything in life regarding the things I enjoy to do such as making music, designing, creating, drawing and other stuff, but more specifically with music, which is the one fact that hurs me the most. I just realized that maybe I was not made to be a musician or an artist whatsoever, and that I might actually be mentally disabled, given the intellectual regression that I have been having. the reality is, that I am not the person I used to be in the past, when I was younger, my mind was sharper, I was snappier, I was such an intelligent and energic person, now I am just old, tired, dumb and slow, and I feel extremely sad about it.

I think that this hurts even more because I am not that old to be honest, but my chronic fatigue makes life imposible, and I can't even focus for medium periods of time with the things I enjoy, it has gotten impossible for me to do almost anything, given that we need to focus and give a lot of energy on certain tasks so we can move forward, I guess I can say that in this case, given my life situation and mental state in this moment, I can say that I am doomed.

I cannot keep lying, probably part of this damage is not only my untreated mental health issues and my unsupported disabilities, but also my destructive, almost suicidal abuse of substances that damage the brain such as benzos and anticholergenics. Now, because I was a sad and depressed coward in the past and I abused substances, I must accept a life of brain fog, where I have a lot of issues even by thinking. Sometimes I just think I wasted my chances and that I should kms, but I don't want to do it, I am not sure whether there's life after death or no, and I don't want to waste this opportunity to live if it's the only one we have, even if this existence is of mere suffering and a constant sense of mediocrity and deep-down emptiness, I believe this horrible conscious existential experience is worth living for shits and laughs yk.

And yeah, the title of the article: i kind of give up on music, I am not as good as I used to be, for now I will focus on being an adult and trying to find a clinical way to repair my brain damage as I am getting a little bit dumber, I lost my charm, my inner light, I'm empty